Give Yourself Grace for the Holidays
December is full of holiday spirit and it can be a wonderful time of year. But it can also be a very difficult time. Christmas isn’t always joyous. If someone has lost someone close to them, Christmas may intensify their grief. Many feelings of loss come up, and maybe even feelings of anxiety as the date gets closer. It is a holiday that is very difficult to avoid. There are holiday commercials everywhere starting sometimes even before Thanksgiving, and holiday lights everywhere you look. This might not match up with what a person is feeling inside, which can compound the feelings of sadness.
We’re All Figuring it Out
In general it also can just be a stressful time, even if one is not processing the emotions of grief. A lot of the holiday revolves around shopping and spending money, and even if you don’t have very much money one may feel pressure to spend money anyway. The thought of not being able to give gifts to family members or friends can really provoke feelings of anxiety. Some families have come up with neat ideas like doing “Secret Santa” gift exchanges or making gifts for each other. Sometimes that can relieve some of the stress of the holiday.
Internalized Pressure “Post-COVID”
Since a lot of people went through difficult times during COVID, I wondered if maybe that would make this better since everyone would understand. But it seemed like the second life got a little bit back to more like normal, a lot of the world tried picking up right where we left off. People might even be spending more money thinking they have to make up for lost time. This just adds pressure to an already stressful time.
The Importance of Slowing Down
This year, it is important to slow down and really think about what matters the most. It is a difficult time of year for a lot of people, and maybe it is better to slow down rather than speed up. It is easy to get caught up in all of it, trying to maintain everything while piling on the added stresses at the holidays. But keep in mind it is very important to take care of yourself. Even if it is for a few minutes in the morning.
Habits that Work
I have found that if I journal every morning, it helps me get all of my thoughts on a page instead of them spinning around in my head. It helps ground me, and helps me focus on getting ready for the day. Now it is just part of my morning routine, it takes the guess work out of the process. I don’t have to convince myself to do it, I don’t really consider if it is really worth taking the time, and I now don’t forget about it which makes me feel guilty for not doing it later. It is just another habit, like brushing my teeth.
Self Care: Expectation Versus Reality
I think sometimes there is this misconception that self-care means bubble baths and lounging around smelling candles. But self-care doesn’t always look like that. Sometimes it is turning down plans, or making time to shop early or on a weekday because large crowds cause anxiety. Sometimes it is not having everything “just so,” or not getting everything done and knowing that is okay.
Engaging When You’re Ready
I also have only decorated when I felt ready. I have gone through loss myself, and I haven’t always felt like decorating for Christmas because of the reminder of the loss I experienced. But this year, I was able to decorate and enjoy the holidays. So even if you aren’t feeling in the holiday spirit this year for financial or emotional reasons, give yourself grace. There is always next year.
A Takeaway
So trim that tree, or don’t. Make gifts for everyone, or shop at the last minute, whatever works for you! The main thing is to not worry about what everyone else is doing. This is a really hard time of year for many reasons, and if you aren’t feeling like “it is the most wonderful time of the year” as the song says, that is okay. There is a lot of pressure to feel a certain way, but the reality of the situation is that you will have good days and bad days like any other time of year, and it might even be a more difficult time than usual. Just know, a lot of people are going through the same thing and you are not alone in feeling that way. And don’t forget to give others grace this time of year as well, you never know what others are going through. If someone snaps at you in a shopping line or honks at you for not moving fast enough at a green light, remember it has less to do with you and more to do with the stress they may be facing.
Author: Jenni Chute, MA, MT-BC
Editor: Sonya Imperio, MT-BC
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