Big Feelings for Little Humans: 3 Strategies
As February comes to a close, I have found myself reflecting on all the hearts and valentines I’ve seen as decorations and in stores. Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romantic relationships, but also about showing affection to friends and family members. I remember I absolutely loved Valentine’s Day when I was young, way before it had anything to do with flowers and candy. We brought old empty tissue boxes to school and decorated them so we would have a special place to put all of our valentines. I loved going through each one at the end of the day. It was a way to connect with my peers without the social pressure of talking. It was a chance to hear from some of my peers that were shy, and a time where I could pick out special valentines for my friends in the class.
It’s All About Balance
Sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in the academic side of things when it comes to a child’s development, we forget how important it is to support the development of their emotional intelligence as well. Children knowing their colors, numbers, and letters is very important, but it will come in due time. It is equally as important to foster connections, model words to identify their own emotions, and start building empathy for others. It is never too early to start introducing such valuable, life-long skills.
3 Strategies for Supporting Healthy Emotional Development
1 - Books
Books are a great tool for introducing different emotions and developing coping skills. Some books have emotions paired with strategies to cope with each one, and others are more social stories that take you through different scenarios. Books that identify emotions and coping skills may be handy for referring to when a child is experiencing big emotions. Other stories where the characters are faced with different challenges and are learning how to work through their feelings are better for when a child is calm and regulated. They are a way to build that foundation of social-emotional skills. Here are some examples of both!
“My Moods, My Choices” - Flipbook
This is one of my favorites to have on hand when working with young children. It shows each emotion depicted by a monster, with a correlating color and face. For example, the “angry monster” is red and has an angry face. When you flip it to the other side, it lists positive ways to deal with that emotion. For example, with “angry,” it suggests to talk to an adult, count to ten, etc. It is a book that can really grow with the child as well, because initially you can work on just identifying each emotion, then encouraging them to find the monster that matches their current mood. As they get older, you can start prompting them to flip it over and read the coping strategies with them. Eventually, when they are having big feelings, you just need to refer to the book and they are able to find a word for what they are feeling, and remember some positive coping strategies. It gives them a feeling of independence and empowers them to be able to handle their own feelings in a healthy way.
“The Rabbit Listened” - by Cori Doerrfeld
This book is an endearing story about a little boy who spent a long time building a tower out of blocks, and out of nowhere, a flock of birds knocks it over. Many animals come by trying to help, but it wasn’t quite what Taylor needed. When the Rabbit comes along, he just listens, and holds space for the child to process all of the emotions he felt when his tower fell down. This is a great way to introduce empathy to children, and helps them realize that sometimes just listening to someone will help them feel better. It teaches them that not every problem their peers have require fixing, sometimes it is enough just to be there for them.
2 - Music
Music is a great way to provide space for a child to express their emotions. Playing music with a child is a way to connect with them without the stress of having to say words. Developing expressive language skills is difficult! There are so many motor and cognitive steps involved. Many young children may still be learning and developing the skill, but already have a lot of big feelings they want to express. I have found that a child frequently can understand a lot more than they can express, which causes a lot of frustration for them. I always like to relate it to learning a foreign language. I took Spanish in high school and can pick up enough to understand what someone is saying at times, but when it comes to speaking, I have very limited words I can say. Music is a way children can express how they are feeling without having to use language. They can sing along to a happy melody just using sounds to express joy, or they can bang on a drum fast and loud to express anger or frustration.
Music can also support empathy. If you are creating or moving to music together, you are connecting through a shared experience. There is no need to wait your turn, you can simultaneously play instruments or sing together. You can also do the same movements, or just dance to the music together. This creates a connection and awareness of another person without having to use the self-regulation skills to wait your turn, sit still, etc.
3 - Play
Children learn best through play, and that goes for empathy as well! If a stuffed animal falls on its head, picking it up and giving it a hug models empathy. Even just having the child pretend to feed a baby doll, saying “baby is hungry, can she have some?” makes the child aware of sharing in a way they can really relate to. It is also an opportunity to prepare for something that might be difficult for the child. For example, if the child starts to associate fear with going to the doctor due to routine shots or medical procedures, you can act out going to the doctor with a doll and pretend doctor kit. This not only provides information for the child about how the visit will go and what will happen, but it also provides an opportunity for them to talk about emotions they may have.
A Takeaway
It may seem like a child is too young to understand the concept of caring about another’s feelings, but there are other ways to introduce it early in a way that they will understand. Even just stating how you feel in a moment can model labeling emotions for them well before they are able to do it themselves. Teaching little humans to be kind to others and themselves by validating their own feelings will create a ripple effect. This is how kindness is spread throughout the world.
Author: Jenni Chute, MA, MT-BC
Editor: Sonya Imperio, MT-BC
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